I went out to eat and hang out with my friend Lynsey and her husband Mike last night. During dinner and all the random conversation Lynsey and I almost always drift into a conversation about old friends in one way or another. I should probably mention that Lynsey and I have known each other since the second grade, since that makes it around 18 years we have been friends, there have been many sets of people that have come into and sort of faded out of our lives.

We are now in our lives learning to let go of our highschool friends who just haven’t stayed close. Much to our significant others’ dismay we always come back to at least one person in particular we just haven’t been able to write off yet. During the conversation again last night, Mike asked what is it about “Ava” that we just won’t stop dealing with her. We threw out ideas for why, knowing full well that she and I don’t really know why we feel we have to keep in touch. Honestly the relationship hasn’t been trust-worthy, or even at times fully safe since we left highschool.

It got me thinking, Lynsey retains a little bit more of a friendship with people than I do, part of that is straight out of highschool they got jobs or went to local community colleges without much responsibility while I had my daughter and started commuting full-time to college. It makes sense, they still had time to hang out together while I was around a whole new social atmosphere. But in the end, now, even though Lynsey had more time to stay connected, even she is down to “Ava,” a close friend she’s had since they were babies, and I.  

Sure we all change, that’s normal and nothing surprising. So why is it so hard to give up on “Ava” ? Of the friends that have faded out they’ve almost all done so gradually. Those that really haven’t have something about them that makes it simple for us to understand. When your personality reflects the person in the room you are drawn to and has no other depth it’s natural that after some time apart you aren’t the person you were when we were all friends. I think the problem we have letting go of “Ava” is simple – she’s the complete opposite person and we are just confused as to how that happened. She was smart and had strong convictions, now she’s easily brainwashed and her strong convictions have become the complete opposite. In short, the old “Ava” would have kicked the new “Ava”s ass for what she’s up to now.

The shady characters she’s so devoted to, are the people she avoided at all cost. The ignorant thoughts she’s so adamant about, are some of the most offensive things someone could have said. All-in-all it just makes no sense, bad decisions are one thing but they have run rampant over her life. As much as it hurts me to say, the “Ava” we knew and loved is gone. Buried maybe, but with so much time devoted to looking for her I’m sad to say I don’t think so anymore. I guess it’s just time to give up on her.

* As you probably already figured out “Ava” is not the friend mentioned’s true identity. Other details have been omitted or altered to some small degree.